No more Mrs. Nice Guy

Grandma Coco has always felt sorry for those poor souls who call you at supper time. You know, the ones who are trying to sell you something you don't want or want to shame you into sending some poor orphan to the circus or want you to answer a poll. We've always been polite. The Kingdom of Coco is a very civil place where good manners are highly prized. We figure if someone is forced by economic necessity to work in one of those call centres, they have enough problems of their own.

We signed up on the Do Not Call Registry. That ought to be the end of things, right? Well, no. Not quite. We've been told (quite boldly, in fact) that political parties (those who make the rules) and charities can still harrass us. That doesn't seem fair. Also, any business we've already done business with can continue to call us.

We've also begun to get an interesting call from someone for whom the rules mean nothing....someone who wants to know if we're beside our computer. Huh? This one piques our interest (although we have twice hung up on him). This morning, on Canada AM, we learned that this one is a direct attempt to gain access to our hard drive. Now, that's downright malicious. (For anyone who gets this call, the caller is NOT from Microsoft and he's not trying to help you out in any way. He's a thug....a criminal. Just hang up.)

However, we've decided just hanging up really isn't enough.

We remember reading about a fellow who engaged telemarketers in conversation where he pretended he was having a heart attack....or about to shoot himself.... anything at all to put the shoe on the other foot. As appealing as that sounds, it is our worry that we'd find an ambulance pulling in our driveway and that just wouldn't end well.

No, we've decided we're just going to play along. We're going to attempt to tie that fellow up on the line as long as humanly possible by playing dumb and asking stupid questions....like Pardon? Could you repeat that, please? or what's the weather like where you are? Are you married? What colour shirt are you wearing? All the while, we intend to blurt out random words like "Butterscotch!" and "Zipper!". We'll ask if they've heard the Word of the Lord yet and maybe even read from Genesis.....you know, the really riveting stuff about someone begetting someone who begat someone else. Of maybe we'll read from the Rice Krispies cereal box we have next to the phone. You get the idea.

Grandma Coco says "Rise up, everyone, and join us! Fight back against the oppression of the unbidden telemarketer and the injustice of the shameless scam artist!!"

Our goal is to torture that creep until HE hangs up on US! How long do you think it will take?